WHILE WONDERING IF IT'S COMFORTABLE LIVING IN LIEBERMAN'S COLON...

MARSHALL "BULLMOOSE" WHITMAN


Desperately wanting to write about something that has nothing to do with Path to 9/11 and Bush's FEARS AND LIES US TOUR 2006 tour stops, I decided to go check in with the Bullmoose. I had recently read an article from the Washington Post and the main jist was that Joe Lieberman's recent return to the senate after the Labor Day recess was chilly to say the least.

Democratic leaders Richard Durbin (Ill.) and Charles Schumer (N.Y.) kept a safe distance. Christopher Dodd (Conn.) gave him a perfunctory handshake. Harry Reid (Nev.), the minority leader, turned his back; when Lieberman approached, Reid indulged him in a quick handshake then quickly busied himself in another conversation.

So, imagine my surprise when I entered the realm of the Moose only to find this emblazoned upon my screen: "Yesterday, Joe Lieberman was welcomed with open arms by his fellow Democratic Senators."
I swear to you, in my head at the very moment of reading that, I immediately heard the voice of Mrs. Broflovski, Kyle's mom from the South Park TV show, when she exclaims, "What?what?!whaaaat?!?"
He then proceeded to quote the Associated Press, via the Las Vegas Sun, and it painted something of a different picture than what the Post had. Go take a look at them both and you'll see what I mean.
Finding myself totally perplexed, I went to find a third source, this time the LA Times. Their take was much closer to what the Post had written. The Times article also reinforced my belief that if he is reelected, he'll drop completely out of the Democratic Party and caucus with the GOP. And all signs point to the Republicans being the ones who are ready and willing to accept him with open arms. Says Trent Lott: "Frankly, I'd be glad to have him sit with the Republicans. I think what happened to him is a tragedy." Yes, Mr. Lott, democracy is a real tragedy.
Anyway, getting back to Bullshi... uh, I mean Bullmoose, he spends the rest of his thin post lovingly caressing Joe as the real Democrat in the race. According to Bully, "Joe's theme is one of progress rather than polarization. He dares to sail against the polluted partisan polarizing wind to advance a politics that puts the country's interest first." Uh, yeah. If my dear readers could indulge me for just a moment, I'd love to dissect that last sentence. Bear with me, it won't take long.
"... dares to sail against the polluted partisan polarizing wind ..." Translation: Joe shits on Dems at every single turn, including today when he joined Senate Republicans in defeating a Feinstein-sponsored amendment that would have prohibited the sale of so-called cluster bombs to other nations until the Defense Department adopted rules aimed at preventing their use near civilian populations. Ah, that Joe. Quite a humanitarian he be!
"... to advance a politics that puts the country's interest first." So, what Mooseman is implicitly saying here is that since Joe goes against the grain and votes with the GOP, then the GOP puts the country's best interests first, right? That's what it sounds like he's saying to me, but I sometimes get confused when self-important jackasses insist on referring to themselves in the third person.
The impression one gets based on the description put forth by Moosy is so diametrically opposed to what seems to have happened in reality that it's jarring. The Bullmoose makes it seem like there were ticker tape parades as Joe walked down the Mall; a well-deserved hero's welcome for a man who lost his own Democratic primary a month ago. Budpaul guesses that Budpaul's only question for Mr. Moose is what he intends to do when Joe defects to the GOP caucus? Budpaul assumes that since the Moose has already taken up permanent residence in Joe's hindquarters he'll just go along for the ride.