Wednesday, October 04, 2006

A VICTORY FOR THE TERRORISTS

DENNY HASTERT


I'm trying to wrap my head around this one, but I'm having a little trouble. Maybe if I write it down...
Okay, so this whole Foley controversy, being the liberal conspiracy that it is, is an attempt to undermine Hastert so that he'll be forced to resign. And since Hastert has been such a staunch ally of Bush and his war on terrah, then by getting Hastert to resign, it will actually be a victory for the terrorists.
At least, I think that's what he was implying during his interview with Limbaugh on Tuesday (from Think Progress):

SPEAKER HASTERT: There were two pieces of paper out there, one that we knew about and we acted on; one that happened in 2003 we didn’t know about, but somebody had it, and, you know, they’re trying — and they drop it the last day of the session, you know, before we adjourn on an election year. Now, we took care of Mr. Foley. We found out about it, asked him to resign. He did resign. He’s gone. We asked for an investigation. We’ve done that. We’re trying to build better protections for these page programs.

But, you know, this is a political issue in itself, too, and what we’ve tried to do as the Republican Party is make a better economy, protect this country against terrorism — and we’ve worked at it ever since 9/11, worked with the president on it — and there are some people that try to tear us down. We are the insulation to protect this country, and if they get to me it looks like they could affect our election as well.

So, am I reading this correctly? Actually, now that I think about, I believe that I've stumbled upon the grand conspiracy! Perhaps this whole thing was started one day a few years ago while bin Laden was chilling in his cave with his buddies. They realized after their masterstroke on 9/11, they would need to do something for an encore. And since they knew that their greatest rival was not George W. Bush, but House Speaker Denny Hastert, they knew they'd need to develop a devious plan to take down the portly bastard. That day the plan, ominously referred to as the "Hastert Operation" was hatched. It was complicated and would take some time but the evil terrorists knew that they could wait the weak-willed Americans out. First, al Qaeda agents would pose as 16 year old pages who would worked diligently to entice that poor victim Mark Foley. And since, according to Matt Drudge, these 16 and 17 year olds are so damn seductive, what else was Foley suppose to do but trade creepy emails with them talking about masturbation techniques. Then, since the terrorists and the Dems are totally in cahoots, they cooridinated when the emails and IMs would be released. Then, since Foley was just a cog in the grand scheme, he would quickly be cast aside and the trap would be sprung on Hastert. Hastert is forced to resign within a few days of the scandal breaking and ba da bing, ba da boom the American democracy collapses. It's brilliant, I tells ya!


OR ...


Hastert is a power-drunk pig who will do and say anything to hang onto his position including sitting idly by while a member of his caucus stalks underage boys.


That first one sounds like a hoot, but I'm thinking it's the second one. My readers can decide for themselves.

2 comments:

Peter Matthes said...

That Osama is tricky.

Pope Bandar bin Turtle said...

Osama hates us for our masturbatory IM fantasy freedoms!