NO FRIEND OF MINE

GEORGE W. BUSH

You may recall that back in the day, George had a friend. This man was such a good friend that he even had a nickname, which is about the bestest thing one can receive from George. His nickname was Kenny Boy. Kenny Boy was a fellow Texan and oilman, so George and Kenny Boy had lots to talk about and were really the very definition of BFF.

Until Kenny Boy got in trouble for losing a lot of people their retirement money, among other offenses. Then George could only vaguely recall Kenny Boy. After all, he was more than an acquaintance than anything else. And George had a lot of friends really, so he shouldn't be expected to remember every single one of them, even one who had helped get George his new house. A couple of years later, after Kenny Boy was convicted of all manner of malfeasance, he died. I tend to think it was from a broken heart at having been abandoned by his former BFF George.

Don't fret for George, though, for he had another friend. And this friend was so cool that lots of people at George's house on Pennsylvania Avenue liked him. His name was Jack. Jack helped raise a lot of money for George and his friends. In fact, Jack was so liked that he made over 200 trips to George's house in the ten months after George had moved there. Jack was a good buddy.

Until Jack got in trouble for some bad things. Then George never really remembered ever having met Jack. In fact, he certainly didn't remember Jack ever coming to his house, let alone over two hundred times. Sure, George knew of Jack, but it's not like they were BFF or anything. Besides, lots of folks come to George's house, so it's not like George should remember every visitor, much less one who funneled an awful lot of money to George's GOP friends. Jack will be going to jail soon, but I don't think he should be expecting any letters from his former friend, George.

Still, George, being a popular guy, has other friends, like his Ted. Ted and George share a deep love of God. They love God so much that they talked every week about Him. Ted liked having a friend like George. After all, George is popular. Ted liked to talk about how he could call George at his house and George would always call him back so they could talk about stuff like God and how much God hates gays.

Then one day, Ted got in some trouble with an "overly friendly" male prostitute who apparently sold Ted drugs and gave him massages ... for three years. Suddenly, Ted and George weren't really friends anymore. George couldn't recall talking to Ted every week. Sure, Ted had probably called once or twice and he had met George (Ted has a picture to prove it!), but then, a lot of people call the White House, so it's not like George could remember every phone call. Even ones from someone like Ted, who was popular in his own right (after all, he had 30 million friends in his circle). And all those friends of Ted could certainly be a big help if George ever needed anything. But George doesn't remember Ted all that much. I would think that that would make Ted sad.

Kenny Boy, Jack and Ted don't think that George is all that good of a friend. I tend to agree.